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Question # :
1081
Indonesia
Assalamu'alaikum Mufti , I want to ask . I am widow. I once committed adultery with two different man. man A ( He have wife) and man D ( he haven't wife ) . 8 or 9 month ago, i with man A did the often zina. 3 month ago, I hooked up with man D. Even times several ago , more 2 times. in a day, i committed adultery with man D and a few hours later I had sex videocall with man A. I'm like a whore who doesn't think about sin back then. With man D, I committed adultery, and men D said he drank my breast milk 3 times. At that time I read on the internet, there were differences in the fatwa. At that time I believed in the opinion of the scholars, adults drink breast milk do not cause mahram. I sure because men D hasn't drank 5 times. In my heart I felt safe about the breastfeeding mahram at that time despite although there are differences of opinion. At that time, I had asked for a fatwa with a scholar in my country, the Scholars said adults drink breastmilk don't cause mahram. I repent (but, in my heart I thought we would definitely commit adultery again and it's okay if men D drinks my breastmilk 5 times) but for a moment I also afraid that 5 times drinking breast milk causes mahram. a few days later I committed adultery again. I request men D not to suck my milk (because in my heart i am afraid of the fatwa on the internet"adult if 5 times drinking breast milk causes mahram"). but men D still drank it (this is the 4 ). and the last relationship I remember men D did not drink breast milk ( but i afraid forgot or syak). Since then I was worried and afraid that if man D married me later and drank my fifth breast milk, I was afraid man D would become my mahram. and it occurred to me, man D shouldn't suck my milk if man D marries me later so as not to make him my mahram. was anxious and afraid this keeps bothering me.( because in my heart i am afraid of the fatwa on the internet"adult if 5 times drinking breast milk causes mahram"). Then, when I asked the scholars in my country again , they said there was no mahram relationship between me and man D. I have calmed down and trust. 1 month ago, I try to ask men A, via phone. I ask men A, whether during adultery 9 month ago he ( men A) was drank my breast milk? he ( men A) answer he never drank breastmilk me. when I asked again 2 weeks ago, men A remembered that there was 1 times he drink my breast milk. And men A remembers only once, but if he drink more one, he didn't know and didn't feel it was. Then, when I asked the mufti's other again , mufti's other said there was no mahram relationship between me and 2 man ( man A and man D) , mufti's said me must taubat nasuha from zina. I tried to keep my repenting nasuha. But i still communicate with men A and men D via phone, messenger and video call.sometimes I wear a hijab and sometimes I don't wear a head hijab. but I'm still dressed modestly. but never sex videocall again. My problem now, after me repenting nasuha 2 month ago. I request man D, we no longer commit adultery again and he agreed to my request. but on December 18, 2020 yesterday (after 2 months I repented) I meet again with the man D in my home. I met, because our agreement met. at first I didn't want to meet at my house, but finally I want to meet at my house. I could not resist when I met men D, we were making out (hugging, touching , and kissing mouth to mouth) but we did not commit adultery sex. After that incident, I realized that even though I didn't commit sexual adultery, I was committing sins again. I realized I could no longer meet with men D, because we might definitely commit immorality again and I had to choose one between the two men. I then told the man D, we don't have to meet again until he proposed to me and I also don't want to be touched and kissed anymore. man D agreed, but he asked us to keep meeting even though he didn't touch me. A few days ago, I broke up with the men D because if we continued in a relationship, we would continue to fall into sin even though I repented repeatedly. I was really hard to cut ties with him, but I had to make a choice. When I broke up with man D, he was angry with me. I have repeatedly asked to marry man D, but he always lied in his promise to marry me. I'm sad and I feel hopeless with my behavior. sometimes I really regret my sin, and my life journey is like a prostitute. I repent but after that I sin again. and now I have reduced communication via phone and chat with male A. Man A, request me to wait for him. and he will propose to my parents, after the divorce process is complete. man A and his wife are in the process of divorcing their wife, purely because of economic problems. mufti I want to ask ( i have 3 questions) 1) how is the status relationship ( about mahram ) between me and man A and man D ? Is the status of these 2 men (man A and man D) still not my mahram .Does my sin that I just committed affect mahram status ( breastmilk mahram) because me commit sin again, me making out again (hugging and kissing) but we ( me and man D did not commit adultery)after repenting nasuha. 2). Can i marry with man A? I want to ask, during the process of waiting for applications for several months. me and man A, is it okay to communicate via chat and phone or video call. We promised not to meet until he proposed to me. what are the limits for us during the process of waiting for applications. The divorce process of man A and his wife may be 6 months. now I mostly keep quiet and continue to ask Allah for forgiveness. I know I'm still weak, I'm afraid I'm still tempted to sin again. Please give me guidance to become a good Muslim woman and what my repentance should really be like, so that I don't commit and fall into the same sin again while waiting for my marriage to man A. 3) Did i do forbidden talfiq (التَّلْفِيقُ) 2 month ago? because 1 problem " Breast feeding" At first I was sure that adults drinking breastmilk did not cause mahram.But I was worried when men D drank milk again (this is the 4). that time i request he not to suck my milk(because i afraid of the fatwa on the internet"adult if 5 times drinking breast milk causes mahram). Since then I was worried and afraid that if man D married me later and drank my fifth breast milk, I was afraid man D would become my mahram. and it occurred to me, man D shouldn't suck my milk if man D marries me later so as not to make him my mahram. was anxious and afraid this keeps bothering me. Then, when I asked the scholars in my country again , they said there was no mahram relationship between me and man D. I have calmed down and trust. Mufti, Did i do forbidden talfiq (التَّلْفِيقُ) 2 month ago? I afraid and Katsir al syak about talfiq forbidden. Mufti, please give me answers about 3 questions and please give me guidance to become a good muslimah.
Answer :
1081
Published On :
Dec 17, 2023
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Walaikumussalam Wrh. Within the breastfeeding period which is two years if a lady happens to breastfeed a child then the child will become her foster child by Rada'at as in the child becomes her Mahram. It is not permissible for a husband to drink the breast milk if his wife, if he happens to do so then this act is Haram ( forbidden ) but it won't interfere with their marriage. You are a widow and you have been involved in sin, so to save yourself from further destruction my advise is for you to send a proposal and get married if there isn't any obstructions. With regards to Man A and Man D if anyone of them is willing to marry you then there is no obstruction, you can marry one of them. But the man who wants to divorce his current wife, if the purpose of divorcing her is so that he can marry you then you will be sinful, but if the purpose of him divorcing her isn't because of you then you won't be sinful. To save yourself from sin if you are unable to marry one of them the best option will be that you cut off all ties from them, it doesn't matter how much they try to change your mind or how angry they get just cut ties with them. Not only did Allah forbid us from doing fornication but he forbade us from even going close to it... for example talking to the opposite sex without any reason, joking, texting, to seclude yourself with them, because these actions will most definitely lead you towards fornication. Hence make a firm intention from now that you will somehow make an argument with them so they'll stop talking to you forever and never even think about talking to you. Make a firm intention that even if your life is at stake you will never talk to them , meet them or even mention them to anyone ever in your life. Before marriage Man A and Man D are both strange men to you, therefore calling and or video chatting with them is totally forbidden ( Haram ) Make sincere repentance and Inshallah Allah will make your life very peaceful if you happen to do so. In one Hadeeth the holy prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said the one who repents from a sin is like he never even committed that sin. Whenever the urge comes to commit a sin always think to yourself that Allah is watching and if I happen to do this sin then what face will I show Allah on the day of Qiyamah. Try to take out time and read Islamic literature to enhance your faith. Books are available on the website for download. http://www.baitulmaarif.com/books-english.aspx After every Salah make dua to Allah that he keeps you steadfast on the straight path. I also make dua to Allah that he saves you and all of us from sins and that he gives us the ability to live a pure and wholesome life. Ameen
Allah knows Best
Darul Ifta,
Baitul Ma'arif,Kairabad (Awadh)
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